So what is the church, these days?

For one thing, this particular church is not really affiliated with any Christian denomination. This is relevant. It would be hard to convince the main body of the witch demographic we are researching of our good intentions and the legitimate and signific­ant impact our scientific research has on their everyday lives. Some of us are, some of us have been believers in God, the Christian version, others believe many other things or nothing at all.

But what we all are is an organ of defence and offence both, sword and shield, and sometimes even feint, for the purpose of never loosing out of sight the activities of the demonic, the magickal, their dealings and interests in our world. And if they outstay their welcome, we are the ones to show them the door very firmly. Sometimes, that door is an egress constituted of the utmost finality.

During your training, you will work with clerics and soldiers, with scientists, theologians, engineers, people of faith and people so void of it that any and all of you will find their mental space represented by others inside this body.

Once, we grew from the Supreme Sacred Congregation of the Roman and Uni­versal Inquisition. Reflect upon the vastness of these words, reflect upon their all-en­compassing claim. Remember that, once, belonging to it meant to try and restore the power of princes and the power of the catholic church in countries roiling with the Protestant Reformation, and the Counter-Reformation, for the benefit of securing wealth for the already wealthy and power for the already mighty. Do not be such an in­genue as to believe that the Inquisition was just, even if it was judicial. But be cognisant of its earnest parts too, of its attempts to investigate, to illuminate, and to restore order by any means necessary.

And recall, now, that we know there are indeed magick and greed and evil, hu­man and not-so-human, in the world, that we have learned there is no such thing as the greater good, unless we, ourselves, create it.

There is good in this world. We strengthen it. And there is evil in this world, and we decimate it with our every action, every word, we defy it in our waking hours and in our dreams. We do not suffer evil to exist.

You may encounter useful and friendly members of the witches and the demons in your line of work. Use them without scruple. They can be allies against their viler companions.

Do not concern yourself with money—you will have a steady income and your salary agreement will be renewed annually and of course take inflation into account, most generously. You will have the enjoyment of numerous company benefits, and should you die in the line of duty the compensation is hefty enough to ensure any family can find peace and security even in your absence. Or your dog breeding kennel, or your ten cats.

Money will never be your problem.

Do not concern yourself with doubt—you are now part of a great endeavour, you have a purpose, and always, your life will have meaning, whether you are part of a strike team or in our research departments.

Do not concern yourself with fear of loneliness—you are now a member of the church. You will not want for companionship, not even for exchanges of physical pleas­antries, should you desire them, and we are not the kind of church that cares about your orientation or proclivities. We have regular, and mandatory, STI checks, and all our members may fraternise as they consensually wish, or we can find a solution of low maintenance to help you focus on the important things and maintain a stable equilib­rium regarding your needs. We cannot create love. But we can create community, and an environment where you will have durability, stability, and reliability.

You are an asset, you are our agent, and you shall want for nothing.

– Excerpt from the onboarding speech for novices of the church, transcript by Novice C.